The humans are dead
by impaitentmuch
Summary: Set way in the future, the Earl has won the war. However, without the challenge of the battle, life proves boring for him. What will occupy his time now? How desperate can one Earl get? Songfic using Flight of the Concords "The humans are dead"


Set way in the future, the Earl has won the war. However, without the challenge life proves boring for him. What will occupy his time now?

Disclaimer: Do not own any part of D gray man, if only!

Also do not own any part of the song. While the Flight of the Concords are a New Zealand band and I am a New Zealander I do not have any rights at all regarding their music.

Sorry for not uploading earlier. No excuses, just lazy. Only updating now because I finally bothered to reload Microsoft office after my laptop was smashed a few months ago… (maybe 9 months ago…) Anyway, it was deleted then and I decided tonight that it was time to reload it. This is me celebrating, and maybe next month, when this trial version expires and I am forced to buy it (SO EXPENSIVE!) I will celebrate again. Maybe…

* * *

_Song: "The humans are dead" Flight of the Concords_

* * *

_It is the future, _

_The distant future_

_It is the distant future, _

_The year 2000_

The Millennium Earl entered the dining room with a grand gesture. The Noah stopped their sibling bickering and looked at him in surprise. The Earl clasped his hands together and beamed at them all.

"What are you so happy about?" Tyki drawled.

The Earl just smiled wider, tears of joy gathering at the corner of his eyes.

Road realized before the rest of them, suddenly leaping over the table to embrace the fat man.

"We did it!" She squealed.

"Did what?" Skinn Boric's reincarnation growled.

"My dear children 3," the Earl threw open his arms. "I have an announcement of much joy. Our hard work has finally paid off!"

_We are robots_

Akuma from all over the world were gathering, all called by the mysterious voice in their head. They jostled and pushed to get closer to the Noah's mansion. Level four Akuma stood guard before the mansion, making sure that no unruly level twos were able to damage the house in their enthusiasm.

Level ones hovered above, unsure of their orders. The intensity of the call had lessened enough that they had regained the small amount of self they had been granted. Unsure if they should try to get closer as well, they hung back, content for now.

_The world is very different _

_Ever since the robotic uprising of the mid-90's_

The Earl appeared on the balcony to great cheering. Theatrically he bowed for his Akuma, his careful creations.

_There is no more unhappiness_

It was ironic, reflected the Earl as he basked in their admiration, these Akuma were born from the sorrow of thousands and millions humans but were now the joy of a few humans. The only humans, thought the Earl. The reason for this meeting filled him with such intense joy that, once again, he almost cried.

_The humans are dead_

"Today, we are victorious! Today, the last humans fell. Today, we rule the world!"

_Finally, robotic beings rule the world_

_The humans are dead_

The cheer went up across the crowd. The Earl's words were repeated again and again, from one Akuma to the next.

_The humans are dead_

It was not very long before the Akuma who had witnessed the deaths of the last humans were telling their stories around the fallen bodies of annoying level ones. They were heroes among demons.

_We used poisonous gasses_

_And we poisoned their asses_

_The humans are dead_

_-Yes, they look like they're dead-_

_It had to be done_

_-I'll just confirm that they're dead-_

_So that we could have fun_

_-Affirmative, I poked one, it was dead-_

It was indeed a great victory. The party went for months. They ate and drank and danced. The Akuma grew bored and turned on each other. It was a war of dynamic proportions. They destroyed what little had not already been destroyed, and then they tried to destroy that too. Their numbers dwindled. With no humans left to call souls forth as energy, The Earl began to try bringing forth random souls, he started with the souls of exorcists that he knew, but to no avail. It seemed as though souls would not react to the voice of someone they did not care for.

_Can't we talk to the humans_

_A little while longer?_

The Earl had achieved all he had ever desired. He had power, he had the adoration of every being on the planet. Without the war, the enemy, the scheming and plans, without the innocence and the Black Order he was bored. Hopelessly bored and desperate for relief.

_Can't we talk to the humans?_

He sent scouts to search for any human survivor. They had orders to search underground, in any cave, in any tunnel. He focused on areas with access to water and fertile soil. Only higher level Akuma were sent, ones that could resist the urge to kill, and could bring their finds back to the mansion. Eventually he widened the search area to include under oceans, under deserts, at the top of mountains.

_And work together now?_

He took an inventory of the innocence, searching through the collective Noah memory accounting for the destruction of all the pieces. He was hoping to discover that he had missed some. He was hoping.

The Noah themselves had been given the task of multiplying. The Earl wanted humans that weren't Noah. Humans that he could raise to hate him, humans that could one day find the innocence he had missed, humans he could teach to raise an army against him. He wanted another war, another enemy.

_No, because they are dead_

The Akuma, amazing machines made for war, were useless in peace. The Earl, hungry for war, was useless in peace. The Noah, intended for destruction, were even worse at reproducing. It was two centuries before the Earl gave up all hope.

He called the Akuma together for one last time. Their mechanical clanking and buzzing made a song in his deranged and desperate mind

_0000001, 00000011_

_000000111, 00001111_

_0000001, 00000011_

_000000111, 00001111_

"As you are well aware," he began, "we are the dominate force upon this planet!"

The cheer, weary now, went around as expected.

The Earl looked around at the Akuma who surrounded the mansion. Only high level Akuma were left. His creations, so powerful and wonderful- yet such a curse, it made him sad to see them all.

_Come on sucker, lick my battery_

"Come closer," he ordered. The Akuma moved in, so close that some were basically pressed against the house. The Noah looked at each other in scared uncertainty. What was he up to? They had been unable to get through to him for centuries. They were old now and realized they would die together in this strained peace. The Earl, however, had plans that they could not even begin to fathom.

_The humans are dead_

"Self-destruct," the Earl ordered with authority. The Noah's eyes widened as they realized that in this vicinity, they would be caught in the blast. All of them were positive they were too old to survive it. Road cried and hugged the Earl as the countdown began.

"I Love you, Earl-sama," she wailed. "Even without the humans here to destroy, I love you!"

The Earl numbly hugged her back. His eyes were closed as he waited for the explosion. He'd given up. The rest of the Noah decided to make a run for it, they hadn't given up yet. They hadn't gotten far when it came.

_The humans are dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, de-_


End file.
